The customs that follow describe Jewish funeral practice as it is observed in Pittsburgh today. The detail varies between Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform observance — and within each movement, between families and rabbis. What follows is the structure Sanctuary works within across all three. Where the practice differs, we have noted it. When a family asks us to do less, we do less. When a family asks us to do more, we do more.
From the moment of death.
The customs begin immediately. The eyes and mouth of the deceased are closed by a member of the family or, more commonly, by a hospital nurse following the family's instruction. A candle is lit at the side of the body — traditionally at the head — and is kept burning until the funeral. Mirrors in the room are turned, covered, or removed. The phone is silenced; the television, if there is one, turned off.
The chevra kadisha is called. If the family is Conservative, Reform, or Modern Orthodox in Pittsburgh, the chevra kadisha will be alerted through the funeral home — that is, through us. The body is moved to Sanctuary's preparation room as soon as the hospital or the home will permit, often within an hour or two.
The intention is burial within twenty-four hours of death. This is not always possible; Pennsylvania law requires a death certificate before burial, and cemetery and rabbinical schedules sometimes require a delay of a day or two. Sanctuary works to make twenty-four hours the goal, not always the result.
Chevra kadisha and taharah.
The chevra kadisha (the burial society — literally "holy society") is the group of trained community members who perform the ritual washing of the body. The taharah is the central rite of Jewish funeral practice. It is performed in silence, by men for a male body and women for a female body, with the body covered throughout except for the area being washed.
The body is washed with warm water, then ritually washed with a continuous flow of water (the nine kavin), then dressed in tachrichim — the simple white burial shroud, hand-stitched of plain linen, with no pockets and no ornament. A small bag of soil from Eretz Israel is placed in the casket if the family wishes.
The body is not embalmed in Conservative or Orthodox practice. Reform practice varies; many Reform families also forgo embalming. The body wears no cosmetics. The casket remains closed at the funeral and at the cemetery.
The casket.
The traditional Jewish casket is a simple wooden box — usually pine — without metal hardware. The casket is called an aron, the same word used for the cabinet that holds the Torah scroll in the synagogue. The aron has no upholstery, no lining of satin, no brass handles, no internal mechanisms. It is plain wood, with simple iron or wooden pegs holding it together. The principle is equality in death: the wealthy and the poor are buried in the same kind of box.
Sanctuary's standard aron is unfinished pine, hexagonal, with wooden pegs. We can arrange other woods — poplar, fir — if a family requests. We do not stock metal caskets and we do not arrange them; if a family wishes a different style of casket, we can refer them to another firm, but our work is the traditional plain wooden aron.
Shemira (the watching).
From the moment of death until the burial, the body is not left alone. Shomrim (watchers, singular: shomer) sit with the body, often reading the Psalms aloud, or simply sitting in silence. The practice of shemira is a fulfillment of the principle of kavod ha-met (honor for the dead): the body, while it awaits burial, is treated as a person who deserves company.
At Sanctuary, the body is never alone. We coordinate a roster of shomrim drawn from members of the chevra kadisha and from family members who wish to participate in the mitzvah. Many Pittsburgh families have served as shomrim across generations; the practice is taught at Beth Shalom and at Rodef Shalom.
The funeral and burial (halvayah).
The funeral service — the halvayah (literally "the accompanying") — typically takes place at Sanctuary chapel or, in some cases, graveside at the cemetery. A rabbi leads the service. The liturgy is brief: psalms, a memorial prayer (El Maleh Rachamim), the kaddish, and a eulogy or eulogies by family or community members.
After the chapel service, the procession to the cemetery follows the hearse. At the cemetery, the rabbi recites the burial liturgy. The casket is lowered. Then — and this is the practice that often surprises non-Jewish guests — family members and friends take the shovel and place the first earth on the casket. The shovel is turned upside-down for the first scoops to indicate the difficulty and the reluctance of the act. After the family, others present may take turns. The grave is not left open; the burial is completed at the cemetery before the family departs.
The kaddish is recited at the graveside. The mourners then return to the home where shiva will be observed.
Shiva (the seven days).
Shiva — literally "seven" — is the week of intense mourning that follows the burial. Immediate family members (parents, spouse, children, siblings) sit shiva in their home. The customs of shiva are practical and bodily: family members sit on low stools or low chairs; they do not wear leather shoes; they do not shave or cut their hair; they do not engage in work or entertainment; they do not greet visitors with greeting words but accept the visitor's presence.
Mirrors in the shiva house are covered. A candle is lit at the entrance and burns for the full seven days. A pitcher of water and a basin sit by the door; visitors and family wash their hands as they enter from the cemetery and as they return from going out, a symbolic separation from death.
The shiva minyan — the evening gathering of ten or more for the daily prayers — is held in the shiva house each evening of the week. Sanctuary coordinates the shiva minyan with the family's congregation: we arrange for prayer books, the rabbi or service leader, and the timing. We also coordinate the meals brought to the family by the community, which are traditionally kosher or vegetarian and are arranged through a sign-up among friends and synagogue members.
The first meal after the funeral — the seudat havra'ah, the "meal of consolation" — is brought to the family by the community and traditionally includes hard-boiled eggs and round foods (lentils, chickpeas), symbolizing the cycle of life.
Sheloshim (the thirty days) and shanah (the year).
After shiva ends, the family enters sheloshim — the thirty days following burial. Mourning is reduced but not ended. The family returns to work but generally avoids parties, weddings, concerts, and other public celebrations. Daily kaddish continues; for the death of a parent, the kaddish is said daily for eleven months. For other relatives, sheloshim is the standard.
The year of mourning for a parent ends with the unveiling — the stone-setting at the grave — typically eleven or twelve months after burial.
The unveiling.
Eleven months after burial — sometimes twelve, depending on the family's custom and the rabbi's recommendation — the family returns to the grave for the unveiling. This is the placement of the headstone and its formal dedication.
The gathering is small. Often it is only the immediate family, the rabbi, and a few close friends. A brief liturgy is recited at the grave. The cloth covering the stone (placed there earlier by the cemetery or by Sanctuary) is pulled back. The kaddish is said. Sometimes psalms are recited. The family lingers for a few minutes; visitors traditionally leave a small stone on top of the headstone (the Jewish equivalent of flowers — a small marker that says: I was here, I remember).
Sanctuary coordinates the date with the cemetery and arranges the stone if the family wishes. Many families have used the same stone-cutter — a small monument firm in McKees Rocks that has worked with Sanctuary since 1971 — for three generations.
These customs are not symbols. They are work. Sanctuary's job is to do the work so the family can grieve.
If you have questions — about a custom, about an observance, about whether a particular practice is required or permitted — call the chapel. There is no charge for the conversation, and we will not press you toward a service. The customs are the customs. The family is the family. We are at the line, every hour of every day.